Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
