i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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