Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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