I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
