i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
