remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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