Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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