i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
