I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
