my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We don't watch enough power rangers
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
