Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
