Whatcha textin bout Willis?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
