Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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