i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
