I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
