I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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