i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My ATM looks so different sober.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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