I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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