Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
