I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
