And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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