loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
