So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
