Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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