hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As shirtless as possible
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
