so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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