i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize