U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
