Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
