Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
