I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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