my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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