if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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