wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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