Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
