i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
