My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
