It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
