he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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