I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
