Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
