According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
