I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
