i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
