Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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