your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize