What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
