Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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