Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
