if only i could text you this smell
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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