Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
