I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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