My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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