Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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