discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
