the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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