i jhust puked up my retainher.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
