I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
