Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
