All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
