Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
