HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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