Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
