we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
