five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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