Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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