yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
