I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
