My room smells like vodka and shame
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
