My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
