i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
