I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
