Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
