The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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