Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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