I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
