so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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