Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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