i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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