i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
