I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
