Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
