Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize