Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
